every day grace

there is not one single word that can easily describe motherhood.

and on top of all that it entails, we moms add our own description.

expectations.

expectations of our perceived views from people. from other moms. from our own moms. from our mother-in-laws. from the neighbors. from the seemingly perfect momma in the store with her angelic child sleeping in the spotless stroller. from our friends. from our very own children.

it hits hard. it sinks deep and begins to root.

and if we’re not careful, it can grow into a monster.

i was having a conversation with my daughter and, as we were (jokingly) telling each other what a “day in the life” of the other would look like, it was hilarious and hysterical. but as i walked away, the funniness seemed to dim as some words sunk in. i looked back on it and, from my perception, it appeared my child thought i rest often. okay, so pause a sec with me… rest? for a momma?! i know…it’s why i initially giggled when it was said. but when i thought about it more (why do we women analyze so much, anyway?!), i realized that, of course she would think that! let me explain…

i am a homeschool mom… an introvert… and suffer from frequent migraines.

my days  consist of surviving. oh, the joy it brings in my heart (for real!) but.. i am utterly exhausted each and every moment. i have not always been this way, let me assure you. but in this moment in time, it is fact. i am in no way complaining because my life is the dream i have always longed for… loving husband, 3 awesome daughters, a home to take care of … i could go on. it’s what I’ve always asked God for since i can remember. so, while it is tiring for me, i would not have it any other way.

but do i say that to my children often enough for them to know it?

my evenings consist of school planning for hours (some days) and preparing for the following day. and if i’m not doing it physically, i’m doing it mentally. nonstop.

but how would my children see that? they are sleeping or in their rooms. and they are certainly not in my head.

my mind is a never-ending cycle of thoughts… dinner, cleaning, laundry, family, thinking ahead (seasons, appointments, holidays), time with hubby, one on one time with each child, running places, etc… and when this happens, my mind and heart need a re-charge. due to how God created me, i re-charge differently than some. it’s not commonly talked about because our world has given mommas the stigma that you give and give until you go insane. that’s a good mom. really?! no wonder we all are trying and trying but not getting anywhere!

but how would my children see this or know this? i don’t teach myers-briggs or personality types to them over dinner.

Psalms says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

no matter what the other moms at the park think. or what our children think. or what WE think.

that is merely someone’s perception of us. they do not see us 24/7. they cannot see inside our heart.

i had to stop and think this morning…. am i looking at myself as God sees me?

i don’t think i do. and if it do, it’s only because i have the verses written in bold print hanging on my mirror. ha.

so… then, and in typical female reaction (i don’t disappoint! lol), i analyzed yet again. i analyzed MY attitude and thoughts of others. do i judge based on merely MY perception? i think we can all honestly say that we have. but we don’t see them 24/7. we cannot see inside their heart.

Pslams says they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

i believe there is one answer to this dilemma. this answer gives me peace when i worry if i’m doing enough, being enough or if I’ve “rested too long”.

grace.

grace for each other and grace for ourselves.